So post 3 of my gratitude challenge is supposed to be on family.
Family means something different to everyone. It may mean the family you grew up with, biological or otherwise. It may mean your friends, or work family. It may mean the family you have as a single parent or with a significant other.
For as long as I can remember, all I wanted was a family of my own. A family as an adult-one with children, biological or otherwise that would include several children, and a a loving spouse.
What I got in return for my prayers and dreams. An ex spouse, a child at a young age with said ex, a new husband with two children in tow, and no more of my own children, biological or otherwise.
Wow.
So for me, family is not yet a complete thing. It is not done. I am waiting for God to bless me with others in my life that I can consider family. More people for me to love.
The process of becoming a family unit has not happened for numerous reasons in our blended family. I firmly believe though that God is not done with us yet, we have walked through fire and are still walking….albeit limping and wounded. I am standing in the circle of prayer that God will bless us and make us a family, and that there is still one child missing. I do believe that God will answer prayer.
That being said…..I am in the desert, I am still wandering, although I claim the promises of God, I have been waiting so long, building my patience, or character as some may say…that I have gone through many seasons of others having children, watching their children grow up….seeing all the baby announcements on facebook, being invited to baby showers (which I do not attend out of principle) and all the rest of the hoopla that goes with a new birth or adoption. I have listened to those in the church say children are a blessing from the Lord and the more you have the more blessed you are….apparently I am cursed.
Living with a circumstantial depression has not been easy. It has been almost life threatening. No it has been life threatening. I can say that the past year or so I have been fine with others having children, happy for them and had moved on to the reality that in my life it would not happen….still no baby showers, but I was no longer jealous.
Now, lately, this depression has reared its ugly head again. I know now that I am going to live with the regret of not having another child for the rest of my life. It just is.
Family to me is not complete.
thiscrazybeautifuljourney 