Something someone gave me? Let me think about this.
Trying to think about things, details of the past (or even present) is hard for me these days. I am not sure if this has to do with getting old, (not sure if under 40 is considered old…but I feel old) or if it is another side effect of my Ataxia? Or maybe just my burnout. I don’t know.
The first thing (ok the only thing) that I can think of that someone gave me, was a bible. A New Living Translation Bible, that is titled, the Spiritual Renewal Bible.
One of my aunt’s gave it to me, as I was admiring it, when I was visiting at a family function. She just gave it to me, like it was nothing-“here you go”! Wow. That was so nice and thoughtful, but more so is the thought of what that bible means to me.
I have gone through many valleys in life, not too many peak’s. I do try and be cheerful and loving through it, but I can honestly say life has not been kind in so many ways. The dreams I had as a child….turned into nightmares. Now I am left to pick up and keep going over and over as an adult….and I have been close at times and far at times from God…but He has been there all along. Never leaving. Always Faithful.
This bible is not just a gift, one from an aunt-who I really thought did not really think much about me…I am just another family member. This family member who has walked away from God so many times. Well not walked away, just been very angry with God. Who has backslidden.
To understand you have to know my family. That side. They are the “goodie two shoes” side as I call it. They appear perfect. Or so I thought as a child. Now I know different. All of my aunts and uncles, have at least one child who has wandered away from God, done their own thing, and in some cases really screwed things up. They are not perfect, and I am not alone. I thought all this time, I was being judged by them when in fact, they see me equally and pray and hope my life goes well along with my other cousins. The gift of this bible from my aunt, which maybe she didn’t even give a second thought about, was a signal to me that I am loved and cared about.
The bible itself, speaks to me on so many levels. It’s a bible, how can it not? I carry it with me to church, and at home. Do I read it as much as I should? No. But it is the bible I use most of the time, and highlight, and even read the footnotes to go deeper.
The title, Spiritual Renewal, makes me remember that it is never too late. Our spirits can always be renewed and need to be renewed and refreshed.
It reminds me, we are all loved.
thiscrazybeautifuljourney 