Discombobulated

dis·com·bob·u·late

ˌdiskəmˈbäbyəlāt/

verb

North Americanhumorous

past tense: discombobulated; past participle: discombobulated

1. disconcert or confuse (someone).

   “this attitude totally discombobulated Bruce”

 Ya…..that’s me.  So awhile back my Dr. informed me that I was having a “nervous breakdown”.  This being that I had gone through some extremely difficult circumstances…and still was.  Not one, but about five or six things that most people go through only one at a time.  I had multiple issues to deal with.  I told her I could not stop crying all the time and was fed up but could not change anything and felt overwhelmed and helpless.

So I did what I had to do and just kept trudging along….day after day…..looking after everyone else.  When no one was looking after me.  I kept working.  I kept advocating.  I kept breathing.

Fast forward to a discussion I had with a teen in my life.  Telling me this and I quote “well if you are having a nervous breakdown you should just stop working like my mom”.  Really?!  Like who will pay my bills?  Um, ya that’s not an option.  I don’t have an ex husband AND a boyfriend helping pay my bills.  I am not able to “just stop working”.

I don’t have options.  Well I guess I have one, I could just give up, not care about my bills and stop working.  No, that is not me.  I was not raised to be lazy, but to deal with things head on.  Not to give up.  To lean on God for my strength.  I was blessed to have an amazing family who instilled a good work ethic but also given determination through my genes and a crazy strength.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me-Philippians 4:13

So, I can do all things….but sometimes it would be nice to have a little support.  My husband is supportive but working a 60+ hour workweek does not leave much time to help.  Weekends I am in my glory, he cooks for me and helps with the dishes and laundry.  Taking Sunday to rest with me and trying to incorporate at least one or two date nights in there a month.  I know I am blessed to have a husband who cares and works so hard at a job that is a dead end job with no benefits or sick days and few possibilities for other employment.  He does his best.

Everyone who knows me well asks me, how do you do it? How do you keep going?  Honestly, the only reason I have gotten through all the things I have is God.  I know He is real, He is there for me and He will sustain. But to live that out each and every day is hard.

I have bad days.

My life feels well discombobulated.  It’s a crazy mess of trials and trouble.  But at the same time, .I am SO blessed beyond belief.  THAT is what gets me through.  To know that in the midst of any trial or trouble, I am BLESSED.